Dr. Diana’s  Divorce Quiz

Questions to Ask Before You Divorce

Of course, some marriages are destructive, smothering or empty and they have to go.  But these days divorce has become so socially acceptable, that many marriages that are actually workable wind up dissolving. 

And a number of people regret ending their marriages.  They suffer with financial setbacks, emotional breakdowns and children's adjustment problems.  Often they wind up alone and unhappy.  And if they are not self-reflective and careful they may end up making the same mistakes all over again in their next relationship. 

So look before you leap! 

In order to avoid all this, spend some time contemplating your answers to these questions before you end your marriage:

• Have you searched within to see if you have given your all to this relationship?

• Did you set aside time to be alone as a couple to continue your bond and friendship?

• Were you clear and upfront in explaining what you wanted and needed from your spouse?

• Did you make a serious attempt to provide what your spouse wanted and needed?

• Have you noticed and appreciated the helpful or caring things your spouse has done?

• Have you tried out the viewpoint that everything your spouse complains about is legitimate and something you need to be working on?

• Have you tried treating your spouse lovingly, the way you would like to be treated?

• Have you checked to see if your spouse is growing as a person and becoming someone who could have a more loving relationship with you?

• Have you worked on forgiving and being forgiven in the relationship?  Even affairs can be forgiven, if there is true remorse.  Many times with the proper counseling the whole marriage can be turned around after an affair.

• If there are sexual problems, did you try your best to work on them?  Did you try to create chemistry and attraction?  Did you set aside time for sex?  Did you spend time teaching each other how to give sensual and sexual pleasure?

• Have you seen a marriage therapist or counselor?

If you cannot answer “yes” to most of these questions, reconsider ending it all.  Go into couples therapy and work on the issues/beharviors in the questions you said “no” too.  You may be able to save yourself (and your kids) from huge financial and emotional heartache.

To locate a competent marital therapist, make an appointment for one consultation visit with two or three professionals to find a good fit for your couple.  You can get referrals from the American Association for Marriage & Family Therapy.  Also, if you have any friends who have had success with a couples therapist, definitely have a consultation visit with that counselor as well.